I decided to write this for a friend, with the hope that this little piece of information will orient her American boyfriend about what Pinoy courtship is really all about. She shares (with a little exasperation perhaps?) that her boyfriend doesn’t understand the term whenever she or her Pinay friends mention it during their conversations. He almost always looked like the term is from Mars and was purely invented to confuse men like him. ;) I had a brief chat with him over YM last weekend and he also had the same words for me, “I don’t get it.”
Ok, this one is for him.
First, the Pinoys’ style of courtship may still be similar to how men in other cultures try to woo the women of their dreams. After all, the desire for a man to be with a woman (or vice versa) is universal. But I guess in the Philippines, the famous hot “Latin” blood still runs wildly in our veins and, therefore, we still view courtship in a combination of traditional and modern sense (if there is such a combination!).
Gone were the days of fetching water (in pails and buckets) for the family of the woman (thank God we already have modern plumbing systems in most cities of the country) but nevertheless, men are still expected to bring flowers and chocolates, the works! They are still expected to visit her in her house, get to know her whole family–including grandparents if they are still living with her–and even her friends, call and text her often (though not too much that she won’t have the chance to miss him), and be at her side if she needs a companion in going to the movies or the bookshop and YES, I will put this in capital letters for emphasis, HAIR SALON or BEAUTY PARLOR.
I think the last one is the ultimate test because I know for a fact that men hates accompanying their women when they are having their haircut or having their nails manicured. I don’t know their exact reasons but I guess they are horrified with the thought of being bored to death while their women try to transform themselves with perhaps an equally horrific hair-do. I’d give men who accompany me to the hair salon 1,000 pogi points because that means they really are in love with me, enough to suffer those boring moments just to be with me (wink!).
What are my kilig moments if someone is courting me? For one, I like midnight calls if it’s my birthday. I feel kilig when my suitor brings me my favorite food like siomai and pansit. I feel so good when he tells me I am pretty in the most unexpected moments. It’s also nice to receive text messages and calls of support when I am about to do something important like open my exhibit or have a job interview. And then, I feel great when my man remembers the things that I shared with him some months ago. That means, he is very attentive. I also give 1,000 pogi points for suitors who show respect and support to my passions in life like my attempts in photography (I had one suitor before who bought me a beautiful book on photography and I swear that almost gave him my Yes!). And then, how can I not feel good when he kisses my hands so tenderly while he’s doing something like reading a book or driving his car? And then, there are the usual things that women go crazy about – being pampered like a baby (i.e. getting free head massage for one!), being told she’s the most beautiful woman in the world, being seated in a dining table where all the food was cooked for her, being hugged and cuddled when she’s feeling lonely…ahhhh, such moments are sure to win the hearts of the women in your lives.
Oh wait, I don’t want to forget this. I also get the high if he buys me a little something when we’re shopping together. It’s not the money, you see. I get the kilig feeling because it tells me that he’s still thinking of me even if he’s also buying the things that he likes for himself. I think that’s also the ultimate test. It tells me that this guy will be a thoughtful boyfriend because he still takes special care in finding things that I’d like and enjoy even if he seems preoccupied with buying his stuffs and gadgets.
For the guys—it is not really difficult to please your women. You don’t have to be Mr. Casanova or have the bank accounts of Bill Gates in order to woo the woman of your dreams. Believe me, most of us will be very happy if you show up in our front doors with just a single bud of rose or our favorite dessert on our birthday. It’s the thought, guys. Of course, admittedly, there are “high-maintenance” women, but I think the general sentiment is that most of us just want to feel special. We want to feel that in your eyes, we are unique. That we are above the rest. That you will do everything to make us feel that we’re the only woman you’d ever need in your entire life (READ: no philanderers and cheaters, please!).
Courtship is a great phase and couples should enjoy this period of “getting to know” one another. However, I think that guys should always remember that after the courtship, they should never ever stop wooing us. They may have gotten our “yes” already or that we’ve said “I love you, too,” they still should continue to act like they are still courting us. Remember, while men have limitless choices, too, we can also dump you guys if you begin acting like you’re God’s gift to the universe and have totally stopped giving us that loving look and that sweet head massage that made us fall for you. If you want us to stay in your lives, you’d better hone your skills in courtship or you’re out the door the next day with only your suitcases and boxer shorts to hug at night.
[Re-post of a blog dated September 9, 2007 (from my previous site).]
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